


Waterloo: Piece by piece

by awesomemarrcus



Series: The Waterloo Saga [2]
Category: The Fosters (TV 2013), The Fosters (TV 2013) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Jonnor - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 12:51:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7574683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awesomemarrcus/pseuds/awesomemarrcus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some of the scars Phil put on Jude doesn’t show on his skin. </p><p>Wanting nothing else than a future with Jude in which Jude is whole, Connor continues his efforts of putting Jude back together, piece by piece.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waterloo: Piece by piece

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first oneshot/side story to Waterloo. I strongly recommend reading the main story (Part 1 of this series) before reading this as it contains spoilers and references to the main story.
> 
> It contains some cuteness, some deep stuff, some Adam awkwardness and some Jonnorfeels. 
> 
> The oneshots will focus on a specific character. This one focuses mainly on Jude.

_Early December 2016_

_Approximately one year after Jude was stabbed._

 

Jude and Connor are sitting on Connor’s bed doing schoolwork. Even though Connor’s grades were now even above average they’ve continued their tradition of studying together. This was not anything newsworthy as they did everything together. Ever since Jude got out of the hospital some eleven months ago, they have practically been glued together by the hip. It has gotten to the point that everyone makes a remark or joke when one of them is found without the other. Mike has, jokingly at first, started texting and calling Jude instead of Connor asking if Connor is available for hanging out.

A knock on the door makes them both look up from their textbooks. Naturally, Jude’s textbook is on another level than Connor’s.

“Are you doing it or can we come in?”

Adam’s voice sounds way too casual for Connor’s liking. Even though Jude should be used by Adam’s ways by now he isn’t. He still blushes every time Adam says anything of the like.

Connor sighs loudly and speaks without any affection in his voice.

“Come in.”

Adam and Mia comes in. Adam is smirking while Mia looks at the boys, mostly at Jude, apologetically.

“You are not funny.” Connor says sternly while looking at his father.

“What?” Adam says looking innocent and hurt. “Like that’s such an impossibility? You know I do the laundry and don’t think I haven’t noticed the increased amount of socks-“

“Dad just stop talking!” Connor is hiding his face in his hands while shaking his head.

Mia slaps Adam’s arm to which Adam responds by chuckling.

“Behave.”

Jude both loves and hates these moments with the Stevens’s. He loves how caring and loving they are while teasing and joking with each other, even if Connor surely isn’t seeing it that way. He hates being in the same room as Connor’s parents when Adam starts talking about embarrassing topics. Jude does what he always does in moments like these. He blushes like a tomato, goes silent, and avoids all eye contact.

Mia sits down on the bed with Jude and Connor while Adam pulls up a chair.

Connor is still annoyed by Adam.

“Did you want anything or are you just here to disturb us?”

Mia smiles and puts a hand on Connor’s knee.

“Relax sweetie. There’s something we want to talk to you about.”

Adam is still chuckling some. He will surely never get tired of embarrassing his son in front of Jude.

“As you know the holidays are coming up.”

Connor, still a bit annoyed, nodded. No vital information being presented so far.

“We were planning on resuming our tradition of going away over the holidays. Of course last year we had more important things to think about.”

Jude gulped, remembering how they all had been with him last Christmas celebrating in the hospital. He forces the thought aside as it always bring tears to his eyes. That they had been there, that they had genuinely wanted to be there with him, meant more to him than they will probably ever know.

“Umm…” Connor hadn’t even thought about their tradition of travelling during the holidays. Last year had been crazy and time before Jude was in his life not anything that ever crossed his mind nowadays.

Jude smiled, being happy for Connor’s sake. Jude was of course well educated but seeing more of the world was a dream of his. Some things textbooks just cannot teach. Of course, the dream would have to wait, probably for many years. Sure, Jude was going to miss his boyfriend but Christmas with Stef and Lena would be more than enough for him.

“At first we were thinking about Europe. I know we talked about going to Scandinavia before but… well you know how your father feels about the cold…”

“Do you know it could go into the negative forties over there in December!?”

Adam sounds chocked. Jude laughs seeing Adam’s wide eyes.

“It’s usually not that cold Adam. But they have snow.” Jude says matter-of-factly.

Adam looks up and speaks without thinking.

“Have you been Jude?” He instantly bites his tongue. He knows the answer. Connor gives his father a disapproving look, not that it’s needed.

Jude looks down to his fingers that has started to fiddle with each other.

“No… I’ve… I’ve read about it.”

A few moments of silence before Mia speaks again.

“But we found a place we think will be perfect. It’s a small island in the Caribbean. It’s not that… convenient to get there but the scenery looks breathtaking.”

Adam continues.

“I think it will be perfect for us. It’s been such a crazy year for all of us, I think some time away from San Diego is just what we need.”

Connor is the only one that hasn’t spoken for a while. Honestly, he doesn’t know what to say. Sure, going away sounds great but he would rather stay in San Diego with Jude than going with his parents to some tropical island. His parents looks so excited though. Connor knows he’ll never hear the end of it, they already teases him and Jude for spending so much time together.

Jude notices, because of course he does. He knows his boyfriend, reading Connor something he mastered a long time ago.

“It will be great Connor, I’m so happy for you. Promise to take lots of pictures.” Jude smiles warmly at Connor who’s started to move his jaw front and back melting Jude’s heart doing so.

Adam furrows his brow.

“Umm…”

“Sweetie, you don’t want to go?” Mia looks surprised.

“Wh-what?” Jude’s not following. Pun intended.

Mr. and Mrs. Stevens continues to look at Jude, like they expect him to say something. After a moment, Connor cracks a smile, for once catching on before his genius of a boyfriend.

After another moment, Mia puts Jude out of his misery.

“You didn’t think we were going on a family trip without you did you?”

Jude’s brain not quite working on full capacity. He sits with his mouth open. Too many questions going through his head. Connor looks with affection at his parents giving them a close-lipped but still wide smile. Why they hadn’t told him was a mystery to him but somehow he had a hard time being upset about it.

“If you want to you are welcome to join us. We checked with Stef and Lena and… well they wanted to spend Christmas with you but they agreed to let you come with us.”

Jude was still looking like he didn’t fully believe them. He was about to start smiling and give Adam and Mia the biggest hug when reality struck him. He looks down.

“Bu-but… I’m… I… I don’t have… I can’t afford it.”

Of course, neither Mia, Adam nor Connor knew that Jude was saving every penny he could. His 18th birthday was just over five months away and the operation was expensive. If he had some money to start with, he hoped that he could get a bank loan covering the rest. Going away with the Stevens’s sounded like a dream but there was another dream that overshadowed everything else. Nothing was more important.

Jude had started with nothing as Phil had forbidden him to have any money of his own besides pocket money. Phil, knowing that money was power and a possible way for Jude to escape him, had not been vague how severe it would be for Jude if he disobeyed this rule so he hadn’t. There was talk about a civil suit against Phil but that was probably years away and Jude couldn’t wait any longer to be corrected and feel whole.

Adam chuckles. He likes many things about his future son-in-law, but his trait of never taking anything for granted something that Adam found both charming but also a bit sad, knowing the reason behind why Jude never did so.

“Jude. It’s our treat. It’s ours, Stef’s and Lena’s Christmas present for you.”

Jude looks up at Adam. Adam smiles seeing Jude’s entire being starting to light up.

“If you want to come with us, that is.”

Connor laughs as Jude sniffles, gets up from the bed and wraps his arms around Adam. When he’s hugged Adam until the older man starts suffocating Jude let’s go and repeats the process with Mia. By now, Jude has tears on his cheeks.

Jude sits back down on the bed next to Connor. When the boys starts looking at each other the way only they do, Mia and Adam sees it as their que to leave.

Just before exiting Connor’s room Adam stops and turns around.

“By the way Jude, do you have a valid passport?”

No response. Adam sees why that is. Connor is now holding Jude’s hand and both smile wide while never breaking eye contact.

“Hello, Jude?”

Adam chuckles.”

“Earth to Jude?”

The boys returns to the real world. Jude has to literally shake his head before asking Adam.

“Umm I’m sorry, what?”

“Do you have a valid passport?”

Jude doesn’t need to think it over. He doesn’t know why he’s feeling bad about it but he does, he speaks with a low voice.

“No I’ve… I’ve never had one.”

Both Adam and Mia were once again being reminded of Jude’s past. That he hadn’t had one shouldn’t surprise them. After not more than a few seconds of silence, Jude finds it unbearable.

“I’ve never been abroad.”

Connor tightens the grip of Jude’s hand. Jude had opened up more and more in front of Adam and Mia but Connor was still a bit surprised when Jude continued.

“In fact… when we went to Arizona last summer was… was the first time I left California.”

Connor instantly got a lump in his stomach. Why didn’t he know that? He thought he knew everything about Jude but this had never come up. Mia gulps as she as well got a lump.

Adam didn’t know what to say, but he figured the boys wanted some privacy.

“Ok then it’s about time. Make sure to apply for a passport because the island actually belongs to France.”

<<<<<<< 

_A week and a half later_

Connor knocks on the familiar door. He doesn’t even get nervous any more when the vice principal opens the door. As always, she radiates warmth and calm.

“Hey Connor!”

“Hi Lena!”

Connor walks in and takes off his shoes.

“Is he upstairs?”

Lena nods.

“Yes he is. Haven’t seen him since he got back from school so he’s probably studying.”

Connor smiles, that sounds like his Jude.

Connor takes the steps upstairs two at a time. He’s got two books with everything they need to know about their destination in his hands. At school, they had decided to start planning how they were going to spend their two weeks.

Connor opens the door with a smile on his face knowing that Jude is inside. He doesn’t even have the time to say hello before he understands that something is wrong. Jude is sitting on his bed with his back against the wall while wrapping his arms around his legs. Jude’s been crying even though he tries to pretend that he hasn’t.

“Jude…”

Connor walks up to Jude and Jude knows that Connor already knows. He didn’t have enough time to pull himself together, not that Connor wouldn’t have noticed anyway.  

Connor’s protective side kicks in instantly as he sits down on the bed in front of Jude. He puts his hands on Jude’s knees that are pressed against his chest.

“Jude… look at me, please.”

“It’s… it’s nothing…” Jude tries, still stubbornly looking down not meeting Connor’s eyes.

Connor knows that’s not true. There had been quite a lot of tears this year from Jude but almost all the times they’ve come from Jude being so happy that he doesn’t know how to express himself. This was clearly not one of those times.

Jude is clamming up and Connor knows better than to push him. He keeps rubbing his knees in a soothing matter. Jude is sniffling, trying to compose himself.

“Please babe… talk to me.”

Jude closes his eyes and sighs deeply while continuing to sniffle. He feels embarrassed. Connor has been so strong for him and Connor hates seeing him like this, Jude knows. Jude gets mad at himself, Connor has done more than enough for him to last a hundred lifetimes. Still, Jude can’t help that he reacted so strongly.

Jude glances to his bedside table, the opened envelop the only thing there.

Connor catches on. He reaches for the envelop. Before taking it he asks of Jude.

“Can I?”

Jude sniffles and nods. He feels his eyes starting to sting again.

Connor opens up the envelop and reaches for the content.

“Hey it’s your passport.” Connor sounded glad, Jude had been a bit worried that he wouldn’t get it in time despite everyone trying to tell him otherwise.

Jude gulps and breaths through his nose. He closes his eyes.

Connor opens up the passport.

He can’t help smiling internally seeing the picture of Jude. He looks happy and so very beautiful. Connor doesn’t think that Jude could take a bad picture, having a perfect face kind of ruins that possibility.  

Connor continues looking at the passport.

 _Surname: Jacob._  
_Given name: Jude._  
_Nationality: United States of America._  
_Place of birth: California, U.S.A._  
_Date of issue: 14 DEC 2016._  
_Date of expiration: 13 DEC 2021._

Then, Connor sees it. Jude starts to cry when he understands that Connor sees it. Jude had tried hard not to cry but his body finally betrays him.

One letter. One letter that most probably don’t even take notice of in their passports. For Jude, it meant everything. Connor’s heart nearly stopped. How could he not have even thought about this? Connor felt like the worst boyfriend in the world. He reads it again.

_Sex: F._

Jude’s crying and Connor can’t stand it. Unknowingly Connor has gotten tears running down his own cheeks and he sniffles while scotching over so he sits next to Jude. He puts his arms around him and let Jude lean his head into Connor’s embrace.

Connor tries to comfort Jude by kissing his hair and holding him tightly. Connor keep repeating the same words while rocking Jude in his arms.

“I’m so sorry Jude. I’m so sorry.”

Jude’s still trying to hold back but it’s like all built up anxiety about the operation he wants to have so badly suddenly needs to be vented. Many things are running through Jude’s head as Connor continues to hold him.

Jude’s thinking that he’s not sure he will be able to afford his operation. If he doesn’t get the loan he will have to wait and Jude can’t wait any longer. Every time he sees himself without underwear on makes him want to vomit. Every time he goes to the bathroom, he leaves feeling worse than he did before.

Even though Jude has come a long way feeling better and secure about himself he still feels like he’s not good enough for Connor. Especially now. Connor was gay and Connor was perfect and… and Connor had a boyfriend that had lied to him and the evidence that Jude wasn’t good enough for Connor was right there in plain sight. One letter said it all. Jude’s mind was racing.

“Don’t do that Jude.”

Jude stopped crying for a moment, only sniffling. Connor continued, Jude didn’t need to ask him what he meant.

“Don’t do that. Don’t say those things about yourself.”

Jude’s still not able to talk so he listens to Connor.

“I love you Jude. That letter doesn’t change one thing. No-nothing’s changed, ok?”

Another kiss on Jude’s hair.

“Hey look at it like this. This is the first and only passport that will look like that. When you are corrected, we will… we will get a new one. One with the right letter. Ok?”

After a few more minutes, Jude calms down. He feels stupid and embarrassed for quite some time but it takes a long time before he is able to speak.

“I’m… I’m sorry…”

Jude’s barely audible.

“What?” Connor asks.

“I’m sorry… I don’t know w-…. I don’t know why I got so upset…”

“It’s ok. It’s… I get why you got upset.”

Jude is silent for a minute.

“I will make it up to you Connor.”

Jude can’t see Connor furrowing his brow.

“What do you mean?”

“When I get corrected. When all… this…” Jude points towards his own body. “When all this is fixed. I’ll make it up to you. I won’t cry as much as I do and I won’t be such a coward and I won’t embarrass you and I will make you happy and I’ll be the best boyfriend to you and-.”

Jude is rambling through his sobs and Connor needs to stop him.

“Jude stop it. Right now.”

Connor leans down and turns Jude’s head towards him so that he looks Jude in his eyes.

“Just listen to me. Listen to what I have to say. Ok?”

Jude sniffles for what feels like the thousand time that night. He nods while looking into Connor’s hazel eyes.

“I love _you_.”

Connor emphasizes _you_ and doesn’t say anything else. He never break eye contact with Jude and after a minute, Jude seems to get it. Sometimes Jude is an expert at telling himself he’s worthless, years of abuse from Phil doesn’t go away like that. There are two things that he knows for sure, things that he can never deny. The first one is that he loves Connor without any reservation. The second thing is that Connor loves him. Connor loves him. Jude can tell every time that Connor looks at him, his eyes never lies.

“Do you understand?” Connor says softly. Jude smiles for the first time that night. Connor’s ability to pick him up from his lows are still unreal to him. Jude nods.

Jude and Connor finds themselves in a for them known situation. Hazel and brown exploring each other like it’s the first time they’ve done so. Jude’s eyes starts to sting again. He’s about to produce the happy kind of tears when they are interrupted by voices coming from downstairs.

“Boys! Can you come down here?”

It’s Stef’s voice. Apparently, she had come home without them hearing her.

Jude clears his throat before responding.

“Yeah! We’ll be down in a minute!”

“What do they want?” Connor sounds suspicious, Jude’s foster moms rarely calls them down like this.

“I have no idea. Perhaps it’s about the trip or something.” Jude responds truthfully.

Connor nods as that makes sense.

“Hey… you ok?” Connor says while stroking Jude’s left cheek with his thumb.

Jude laughs slightly and nods.

“Yeah… yeah I am. Thanks to you.”

They get up from the bed and walk hand-in-hand downstairs.

<<<<<<< 

“In here boys!”

Lena shouts from the living room. Connor tickles Jude’s side just before they get in so that he enters the room giggling.

Stef smiles at them.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing. Connor is just being a dork.” Jude says as they sit down on the couch next to Stef. Lena is sitting in the armchair sipping on a cup of tea, she turns off the tv.

"What were you watching?" Jude asked.

"Oh nothing... I was trying to find a channel but I gave up." Lena says while sighing, sounding like it had been a hassle.

Jude almost laughed out loud thinking about Lena failing at such a trivial task.

“Excited about the trip?” Stef asks them casually.

“Yeah can’t wait. The pool at the hotel is like the size of a football field.” Jude says enthusiastically.

“Can’t believe our little boy is going to France before us.” Lena says while putting down her cup.

Connor chuckles. Lena and Stef instantly looks at each other and smiles when recognizing it as the spitting image of how Adam sounds.

“It’s not like it’s France-France. It’s like… the Bahamas… but with euros.” Connor says.

“Hey don’t take this from me, it’s France and it counts.” Jude says while jokingly pouting at Connor.

Stef and Lena can’t help laughing. They can't get enough of seeing the loving and caring way that Jude and Connor interacts.

A moment of silence passes. Lena and Stef keeps glancing at each other, not exactly sure how to proceed.

“So what did you want to talk about?” Jude asks, unknowing of his foster moms intentions.

 “Umm… yeah. So you’re going away on the… 22nd.” Stef finally speaks.

Jude nods while holding onto Connor’s hand. Connor doesn’t feel 100 % comfortable seeing that Stef and Lena almost looks nervous. They never look nervous.

“And you’re going to be there for two weeks.”

Jude laughs.

“Yeah we know.”

Stef looks at her wife, urging her to help her out any second now. Lena reluctantly obliges after a few moments of awkward silence.

“And… and we understand that you… that you are going to share a room.”

Jude and Connor gulps at the same moment realizing where this was going.

“Just the two of you.” Stef fills in.

“Oh god.” Jude starts rubbing his eyes with his free hand.

Connor feels like he wants to sink through the couch, he doesn’t make a sound hoping that it will make him invisible or something.

Lena takes a deep breath. Clearly not as comfortable talking about this as say, Adam. Connor is pretty sure that Adam could go around educating school classes on how two men have sex by now.

“So… we know that you Connor turn 18 next month and Jude you’ll be 18 in May. And… even though we would prefer if you waited until then we’re… we’re aware that it might be a slight possibility that perhaps you two are considering to…” Lena looks over at Stef, realizing she’s not doing so well.

“Help me out here will you?”

“We understand if you might consider starting having… sex. Soon.” Stef says more bluntly.

Jude has closed his eyes and are internally counting down from ten. Connor is taking shallow breaths while definitely not looking at neither Stef nor Lena.

“And… you two sleeping together for two weeks in a hotel room… Well we just thought that we should… talk about it with you two.” Stef tries to use her calmest voice, talking slowly. It doesn’t help Jude from feeling an extreme desire to leave the room.

“Jude… please open your eyes.” Jude sighs before doing as he’s told. His grip of Connor’s hand stronger than ever, he needs all the support he can get and he assumes that Connor feels the same way.

“Lena and I we… we’ve done some research on how two men have… yeah. On the computer.”

Connor can’t help giggling and snorting at the mental picture of Stef and Lena googling how two men have sex.

“Sorry…” He excuses himself.

Lena clears her throat before reaching into her pants taking out a piece of paper that she unfolds. She looks at it before looking up at Jude and Connor. The color of their face have never been more different. Jude is white as a ghost and Connor is red going on brown.

Lena clears her throat one more time before speaking.

“So we… want to talk about three things with you.”

“Please make this stop…” Jude whispers to himself.

“Umm… yeah. We want to talk about… protection, as in condoms.”

Jude wants to close his eyes but he keeps them open, his breathing is no longer working though. There’s something in Lena’s informative voice that’s just unbearable to him.

“And also we want to talk about… lu-lubricants.”

Connor’s eyes are flickering all over the place. He can feel Jude squeezing his hand but that’s about all he can think about.

“A-and… lastly we want to talk about…”

Lena gulps and for the third time she clears her throat. In this moment, Lena doesn’t feel like an adult, she feels very much like the young shy girl she was in high school not even daring to say the word sex.

“And we want to talk about… the act of penetration.”

“No no no, please stop.” Jude starts protesting and when he sees Lena take out the pink object from a black plastic bag, he’s had enough. This conversation needs to end now if Jude is going to survive the night.

“We’ve already had sex.” Jude blurts out.

“Wh-what?”

“Please just… Don’t. We’ve… we’ve had sex. You don’t have to…. Please don’t talk about it.”

Stef’s motherly and protective instincts take over for a second as she leans forward and looks at Connor as if he’s committed some felony against her son.

Jude notices.

“Please Stef don’t…  It… it was my idea.”

Connor is honestly very relieved that Jude saved him from what looked like the wrath of Stef. Jude hadn’t lied though. Even if Connor very much wanted to, if anyone was the instigator the first time, it had been Jude.

Stef and Lena looks at each other, not knowing how to proceed.

“So you… you already know how to… do it?”

“Yes.” Jude says.

“And it… it goes… well?”

“God… yes. Please can we go now?”

Lena exhales loudly leaning back in her armchair.

“Oh thank god… I had no idea how to continue this conversation.”

“Can we go?” Jude asks sounding a bit annoyed.

Lena and Stef laughs.

“Yes… yes you can go.”

The last thing Jude and Connor hears before returning upstairs is Stef’s voice talking to Lena.

“Well at least now we know what a… power top is, we didn’t know that before now did we?”

<<<<<<< 

_December 22 nd_

Adam and Jude are sitting in the taxi going to LAX. After they had booked their tickets, Connor had one of his games rescheduled for today. Since it was an important game, they had decided to rebook his and Mia’s tickets to the following day. As Jude and Adam were arriving late to the island and Connor and Mia arriving early the following day it didn’t seem like such a big deal even if it wasn’t ideal.

“You feeling nervous?”

Adam looks over at Jude.

Jude shrugs and continues to look straight ahead.

“I’m ok.” He lies for some reason.

Adam doesn’t look away.

“First time flying can get anyone nervous you know.”

“It’s nothing to be nervous about. I’m about 74 times safer in a plane than in this car.” Jude says matter-of-factly.

The taxi driver looks at Jude through the rearview-mirror.

“No offense.” Jude says while trying to give the driver a smile.

Adam smiles at Jude’s way of expressing himself.

“I’m sure you’re right, but are you nervous?”

Jude gulps.

“I’m terrified.”

Adam chuckles and looks straight ahead again.

“You know what Jude, I’ve flown… well at least a hundred times. But, I still don’t like it.”

Jude looks at Adam.

“Really?”

Adam nods.

“Really.”

Jude looks out the window of the moving car. He’s deep in thought when he speaks absentminded, Adam has noticed him doing it a couple of times.

“I don’t like that Connor will be on a different plane… That makes it twice as likely that I’ll die.”

Adam forces down saliva. He’s not sure if Jude even knows he said that out loud because he looks and sounds so unaffected by it. It’s not the kind of thing that people say, it’s not the thing that a 17-year old boy says to his boyfriend’s father. Adam feels like he should say something but he doesn’t know what to say.

“So… umm… you sure you packed everything?”

“Yeah I think so. I think I got everything.” Jude tries to sound casual, like it’s not a big deal.

“Mhm.” Adam’s not buying it. Adam has noticed that he and Jude are similar in many ways.

After a minute, Adam says.

“You know that Connor hasn’t packed yet?”

Jude gasps and looks over.

“Are you kidding me!? He promised me he had done it!”

Adam laughs.

“I’m kidding. I made him he do it two days ago. I can’t stand him being so disorganized sometimes.”

“I know! It drives me crazy that he just… he just assumes everything will work out!”

Adam laughs again, mostly over how worked up Jude got from the topic.

“You know I think he knows how we are and he knows we’ll do it for him if he waits long enough.”

Jude laughs and nods.

“Definitely.”

“So… when did you pack, really?” Adam asks.

Jude bites his lip.

“Three days ago.

“Jude, come on.”

“Okay, one week ago.”

“Jude?”

Jude sighs in defeat.

“No really I almost finished a week ago. But… I started the day you told me we were going.”

Adam laughs again.

Adam and Jude smiles and snickers. After a minute, Adam asks him.

“You got a list?”

Jude looks over and Adam looks at him knowingly.

Jude sighs again and takes out his packing list from his pocket. He hands it to Adam. Each item has been checked off the list and a blank square has been left next to it so Jude could check it off again when he would pack for the return trip.

“Impressive.” Adam looks proudly at Jude. Adam takes out a piece of paper and hands his own list to Jude.

Jude snickers seeing Adam’s list before the cab pulls up at the terminal. Jude gets worried once again. This flying thing wasn’t even what he feared the most. Jude wanted Connor here. Connor always knows what to say to calm him down. Adam is about as great as a father can be but he’s no Connor. Jude gulps and tries to ignore the bad feeling he’s got in his gut.

<<<<<<< 

Adam notices that Jude’s gone silent on him. He’s got a serious expression on his face and he looks like he’s trying to control his breathing.

“You ok there Jude?” Adam says after they’ve checked in their luggage. Jude’s going pale, even paler than he usually is.

“Ye-yes… just a bit nervous about the flight.” Jude gives Adam a half-smile, even if Jude didn’t outright lie he didn’t tell Adam the whole truth.

Luckily, Connor had talked with Adam on beforehand. Jude hadn’t said anything about it but Connor knew how Jude’s mind worked.

Adam hoped that everything would go ok but as they were getting nearer to passport control Jude slowed down his steps. LAX had recently changed their routine and now there were passport controls both leaving and entering flights at the airport. When they got to the line Jude had gone mute. Adam stood behind Jude and when there were only two other people in line before Jude he turned to Adam and spoke for the first time in quite a while.

“Y-you go first.”

“No no you go ahead. I’m right behind you.”

Jude didn’t say anything as he turned back around. He took a deep breath and approached the desk with the sign ‘ _US Passports’_ hanging above it.

The middle-aged man sitting behind the desk looked uninterested and if uninspiring had a face, his would aspire for the title. He took a quick glance at Jude, who tried to smile back at him, before opening up Jude’s passport. Jude can feel a drop of sweat running down his spine. He’s only wearing a t-shirt and the airport is air-conditioned but that’s not the problem.

“Where are you going, sir?”

“Umm…”

The man look up at Jude.

“Fr-France?”

Jude answered like he wasn’t sure himself.

“France?”

“Ye-yeah. St Barthélemy. It’s an island in the Caribb-.”

“I know where it is, sir.”

The man’s talking with a tone to his voice that tells Jude that he’s checked out mentally years ago.

“Oh… sorry.”

The man types in something on his computer and he looks like he’s about to close Jude’s passport when he stops himself. The man’s eyebrows are drawn upwards and closer. He looks up at Jude. His expression changes from a neutral one to a confused one.

Jude feels like he’s suffocating. He makes an effort not to let his body start shaking.

The man looks down once again at Jude’s passport. He looks back at Jude, first at his face and then he looks at him up and down. He hesitates a moment.

“Umm… are you… are you a boy or a girl?”

Jude wants Connor. Jude needs Connor. He starts looking around in the terminal, as if Connor is just standing somewhere there ready to rescue him. Connor always knows what to do.

Jude sniffles and looks back again. The man must see that Jude’s not doing so well.

“I’m a boy...” Jude whispered.

“What?”

“I’m a boy.” Jude says a bit louder.

“It doesn’t say so here. It says here that you’re a girl.”

A familiar feeling hit Jude like a ton of bricks hearing him being called that word. His eyes sting and he closes them as soon as possible but it’s too late to keep tears from coming out. Jude starts to cry and his small frame shakes. That he’s in a public place only makes everything much worse and he’s feeling dizzy. He hears that the man says something but he can’t make out the words.

Jude can feel the panic attack approaching and he knows he’ll lose all control of his body within soon.

A strong pair of hands on his shoulders from behind brings him back.

“What’s going on here?” Adam says.

“Who are you?” The man behind the desk gives the security guard that’s observing the situation a quick glance.

“I’m his father.” Adam says without hesitating before he continues. “What’s going on, can’t you see you’re upsetting him?”

The guard takes a step towards them but the man behind the desk signals him that he’s got it under control so the guard steps back again.

“Sir, your daughter-.“

“My son.” Adam corrects him.

The two middle-aged men looks at each other for a moment. Adam’s being assertive without being aggressive.

“That’s not what it says in here.” The man holds up Jude’s passport.

Jude is taking deep breaths through his nose, Adam’s hold on him calming him down.

“Yeah, so? He happened to be born into the wrong body and we can’t correct it until he turns 18.”

The man looks at Jude. He has no problems with getting passengers nervous and making them squirm but something about seeing the small boy standing in front of him trembling doesn’t feel right.

“So… he’s…a… umm…”

“He’s transgender, yes.”

Jude doesn’t really like the word transgender. He’s a boy and nothing else, but he knows that it’s technically what he is.

The man behind the desk hesitates for a moment. He looks at Jude, at his passport and back at Jude again. He shakes his head as if to clear it.

“Yeah ok… I’m… Ok.”

He hits a key on his keyboard and the bar beside the desk opens up.

“Go ahead. I’m sorry, Mr. Jacob.”

The man waves at both Adam and Jude urging them to go through. Adam has to remind him.

“You should probably check my passport, right?”

“What? Yeah… yeah… of course.”

The man clears Adam in record time and Adam joins Jude. They go to the side so they have some privacy.

“Hey, you ok Jude?”

Jude sniffles. He nods. He’s ok but he can’t help feeling so sick of feeling this way. He feels fed up with himself. He doesn’t want to be like this, not in front of Connor, not in front of Adam not in front of anyone.

“Take your time. We’re not in a hurry.”

Adam’s and Jude’s personalities had naturally made them arrive over two hours before departure.

Jude sniffles again and clears his throat. He looks down, feeling ashamed for some reason.

“I just… I just want my operation.”

Adam sighs, feeling sympathy like never before for the boy he considered a son.

“I… I know Jude. It’s not long now, right? 5 months, yeah?”

 _Probably longer_. Jude thought but he nodded at Adam.

“You know ten years from now I think we can look back and laugh at that poor guy. I don’t think he’s ever been so stressed in his life.” Adam chuckled, causing Jude to smile slightly.

Jude took a breath and looked at Adam.

“Why… why are you so nice to me?”

“What do you mean?”

Jude hesitates, thinking over what to say. This is long overdue. He needs to properly thank Adam for everything he’s done for him and Connor.

“You… you were so nice to me. Right from the start. The… the first time we met you were… you were nicer than most people has ever been to me…”

Again, Adam’s heart aches for Jude. Honestly, he doesn’t fully know why Jude affects him so much but he has an idea.

“Oh Jude…” Adam is grateful that Jude has lowered his gaze because he can feel his eyes getting watery. He pauses a second before he goes on.

“At… well at first it was because of Connor. I heard how Connor…, spoke of you and I knew you were someone very special to him, so of course I was nice to you.”

Jude shakes his head.

“I don’t deserve him…”

“Jude… Jude, look at me?”

Jude forces down saliva and looks up at Adam.

“You know that… you know that Connor is the light of my life, right? I think you… you are like me. You observe and you see things like that, am I right?” Adam is talking slowly, making sure Jude hears every single word he says.

Jude nods. Adam’s love for Connor one of this worlds certainties.

“And I have to be honest with you, I didn’t think anyone would deserve him. I… I had never met anyone that was as kind and caring as Conn… Connor. I was so afraid that he would get hurt. That someone would use that.”

“I would never hur-.”

Adam puts his hands on Jude’s shoulders again, marking the importance of his words. Ever since lying in the hospital, Jude can handle physical contact from the Stevens’s. He’s not there yet with Stef and Lena but he’s trying.

“I know Jude. I know. I'm not afraid of that anymore.”

Jude looks Adam in the eyes. They are almost as caring as Connor’s are when Jude is having a bad day. Jude leans towards Adam and hugs him. Adam closes his eyes and hugs Jude back.

Jude wants to thank Adam for calling him his son but he doesn’t. Jude wants to thank Adam for raising Connor into the young man he is today but he doesn’t. Jude wants to thank Adam for paralyzing Phil for life but he doesn’t. Someday he will but now he just wants to feel safe.

Jude knows this is probably not normal, him needing to feel safe like this. Needing to seek comfort from his boyfriend’s father. Phil is gone and people who loves him surround Jude but sometimes those feelings come back. The anxiety, not feeling safe, constantly on watch, having to check the bed sheets when waking up. Connor keeps telling him he’s doing better each day and Connor is right but Jude feels frustrated. He wants to give back to mostly Connor but also Adam and Mia. He wants to be nothing but happy, not wanting them to have to see him like this.

Jude sniffles against Adam’s shoulder for a few minutes. The moment he’s back in control he feels awkward and breaks away from the hug.

“You feel better?”

Jude gives him a small smile and dries his eyes while nodding.

“Yeah. I do… thank you.”

“You sure?”

“Yes I’m sure, let’s go to the gate so we don’t miss our flight.”

Adam looks for a moment at Jude, making sure he’s ok, before smiling.

“You are right, it’s a five minute walk to the gate and the plane leaves in two hours so… chop chop.”

They start walking to the gate when Adam asks Jude.

“Hey what did you get Connor for Christmas? I forgot to ask.”

Jude hesitates for a minute.

“Umm…”

Adam looks over at him, waiting for an answer.

“It’s kind of… a secret.” Jude says awkwardly, Adam looks confused.

“But, why? Ooooooh….” Adam smiles looking forward again.

“It’s that kind of present. Got it.”

“Wh-what? No! No… nothing like that.” Jude is blushing and Adam is chuckling seeing Jude uncomfortable.

<<<<<<< 

_December 31 st_

Jude slowly awakes. He gives away a soft moan. Something’s tickling him. He’s lying on his back which is a bit unusual as he normally sleeps on his stomach or side. He should probably get up but the bed could be the most comfortable bed Jude has ever slept in.

There it is again, something tickling his neck. Jude giggles and tries to fight off the intruder but he’s too tired. Jude stretches, eyes still closed, his eyelids feels too heavy to open. He can feel something shifting in the bed. He knows what’s probably coming and he can’t help smiling. Jude spreads his legs to make room.

A weight carefully lays on top of him and between his legs. Feather light kisses being planted on his face, they still tickle. Jude laughs slightly and he can feel the mouth continuing planting kisses on his chin, cheek and forehead smiling against his skin.

“Good morning.” Connor says in-between his kissing session.

“Good morning…” Jude replies and wraps his legs around Connor’s lower back.

A kiss on his nose and Jude opens up his eyes. The sight makes him want to cry and laugh at the same time. Connor with scruffy-looking morning hair, gentle eyes and that smile that he gets on his face when having Jude in front of him.

Jude puts his hands on Connor’s face and rubs his thumbs against the cheeks. Jude’s fingertips plays with the strands of hair that they can reach.

Both of them are smiling wide, when Connor reaches down towards him Jude knows what Connor wants to do so he closes his eyelids allowing Connor to kiss his closed eyes.

Jude snickers and opens his eyes again. After looking at each other fondly for a few moments Jude asks.

“What time is it?”

Connor doesn’t even have time to smirk and answer before Jude interrupts him.

“I swear Connor if you say _se_ _x’o’clock_ one more time you’re not getting any for this entire trip.”

Connor laughed, knowing that was an empty threat if anything.

“Ok ok, I would never risk that babe.” Connor said and kissed Jude on the lips.

“It’s 9.30, gotta get going so we don’t miss breakfast.”

“Okay.” Jude replies. Jude doesn’t mind missing breakfast but for Connor skipping a meal wasn’t a possibility.

Jude laughs and gives away a high shriek when Connor lifts himself from the bed. Jude who still has his legs and arms around Connor finds himself being carried by Connor to the bathroom and the shower.

Jude didn’t sleep in a t-shirt anymore, only underwear. He used a chest binder at all times when Connor could see him but Connor had helped him being comfortable enough to show him his scars. Sometimes, like when Jude had a bad day, he covered himself up but the bad days came less and less frequently.

The tiled floor felt cold when Connor put Jude down. Connor took off his underwear and walked casually into the shower cabin. Jude never missed an opportunity to look at Connor’s behind and this time was no different.

“ _Unreal…”_ Jude thought and reminded himself that they were already kind of late so he had to stop his mind from going places it wouldn’t be able to return from for a… while.

Connor turned around just before going in, Jude forced himself to look Connor in the eyes. Jude kept thinking about how hard it was and then he giggled for himself over the pun.

“You want to join me?” Connor asked while smiling warmly at him.

Jude smiled back. They didn’t share a shower that often. Jude looked down at his underwear and back up at Connor. He nodded slowly and walked after Connor into the shower.

Connor stood under the water when he turned it on. Jude kept to the side. How Connor could stand under the shower and turn it on before the water had heated up was beyond Jude.

When the water had heated up Connor reached for Jude’s hips and pulled him towards him. Connor kissed Jude on the forehead.

“You don’t have to keep them on you know.”

Jude knew what Connor meant and he also knew that Connor had only good intentions saying it. Jude rested his head towards Connor’s chest letting the water run over both their bodies.

“I… I know… But I want to.”

“Okay…” Connor kissed Jude’s hair and rocked him in his arms.

Jude never let Connor see him without his underwear on. His front nothing he wanted Connor to see before the operation. Every time they had sex, Jude wore a jockstrap concealing his front.

After a minute of just feeling the warm water pouring down on their skin, Connor asked him.

“What have you got me for Christmas?”

Jude snickered. It was the tenth time Connor had asked him that since they got to the island.

“I’m still not telling you, you’ll find out tonight.”

Connor grunted jokingly. Jude snickered again and said.

“I still think it’s weird that you give your presents on New Year’s and not on Christmas day like everyone else.”

“It’s a Steven’s tradition babe, learn to love it.”

Jude smiled and kissed Connor’s chest.

“I already do.”

<<<<<<< 

“Over here!”

Adam waved at Jude and Connor and the boys made their way over to the sun chairs Adam and Mia had reserved for the four of them. 

“Hi sweeties.” Mia put down her book and smiled wide at them.

Jude and Connor sat down.

“We were getting worried. Sure took a long time getting dressed and putting on sun screen huh?”

Adam said teasingly making Jude blush while Connor mostly felt annoyed.

“Adam…” Mia gave him a disapproving look.

“Oh come on I think it’s great they’re having sex, it’s healthy.”

“Dad!” Connor looked angry, he still hated when his father talked like that in front of Jude.

“Adam!” Mia almost looked annoyed for real this time.

Jude looked away and pretended that he was somewhere far from here. It wasn’t a secret that they were intimate but he sure enough didn’t want to discuss it with Connor’s parents.

Adam chuckled which only annoyed Connor more.

“Conn, what do you say, pool?”

Jude figured he should get Connor away from his father for a while.

Jude’s distraction worked seeing a smile on Connor’s face as he looked at his boyfriend nodding.

Jude was wearing swim shorts and a t-shirt while Connor only had shorts on him. Mia and Adam looked at the two boys going to the pool. Both of them thinking similar thoughts, the two boys who were much alike in so many ways differed greatly in other areas.

There was Connor, strong, proud and confident taking a few strides before diving into the pool headfirst.

Then there was Jude. The boy that had survived the worst conditions. Seeing him like this reminded Adam and Mia that he still had a long way to go. Wearing clothes to cover himself up, seemingly embarrassed about what he was hiding underneath.

Jude sat down on the edge of the pool, dipping his feet. The difference from Connor’s approach to the pool as clear as night and day. Connor swam up to him and put his hands on Jude’s thighs. Jude smiled and lowered himself into Connor’s arms and into the cool pool.

Adam looked around as he always did when they showed public affection. Seeing that no one around the pool seemed to care Adam leaned back into his chair.

“You can’t always protect them you know.”

Mia said stroking her husband’s arm with her hand.

“I-I know. I just…”

Adam sighs.

“Sometimes I can’t help thinking about how unfair it is.”

Mia listened as Adam went on.

“He shouldn’t have to have a shirt on. He shouldn’t have to flinch whenever someone raises their voice. He shouldn’t…” Adam stops himself before getting too emotional.

“I know… I know. But he’s getting better. Remember not much more than a year ago Connor couldn’t even touch him. And look at him now, he even hugs _us_ sometimes.”

Adam takes a deep breath. His wife is right. He looks over at her.

“He feels like a son you know?”

Mia nods and smiles slightly at him. This didn’t come as a surprise to Mia but it was the first time that Adam said it outright. Mia liked Jude a whole lot, even more than that, but Adam’s affection for Jude not anything she could match.

“Is that strange?

“No… it’s not. I’m pretty sure you feel like a father to him.”

Meanwhile, Jude is observing the Stevens’s when Connor swims up to him from behind.

“What’s the matter with him?” Connor asks Jude while Connor puts his hands on one his favorite places, Jude’s hips.

“I think… I think he doesn’t like that I have my shirt on...”

“Jude, you know it’s not like that.”

“No, no I know what he… what he means.”

“He just cares, ok?” Connor says and kisses the back of Jude’s head before he fills in.

“Sometimes a bit too much.”

Jude leans back into Connor’s embrace.

“It’s not that easy you know…”

“I know baby. I think we just want you to feel comfortable with… being you.”

Jude repeats his words but this time in his head. _It’s not that easy…_

<<<<<<< 

Connor and Jude had dinner with Mia and Adam. Connor had found the perfect place where he wanted him and Jude to celebrate when the clock struck midnight. Mia and Adam had not been thrilled hearing the boys weren’t going to be with them but they understood.

It was too warm to wear a suit so they had both agreed that wearing short-sleeved shirts was fancy enough. Not that much else than being with each other mattered. Jude wore his white shirt and skinny jeans and Connor wore a dark blue one and dress shorts. Walking hand-in-hand by the beach, Jude and Connor didn’t say a word but they looked over at each other every now and then, smiled and sometimes even laughed. They didn’t have many days left before going back to San Diego but the trip had been better than either one of them had imagined.

Jude in particular had loved every moment. The experience alone of being abroad was enough for him. Add to that being on this island with Connor, it was easy to see why Jude was an emotional mess in the good way.

They walked for about fifteen minutes. They hadn’t seen another person for quite a while, the place Connor had found was far away from the hotel complexes. The time was 11.30 pm when they started walking up from the beach and walked up a small hill giving them some view over the ocean.

Connor took out a blanket from his backpack and put it down on the sand on top of the small hill.

“You recognize it?” Connor said with a warm tone.

“Of course…” Jude said, he had a wide smile on his face that made Connor warm to his core.

“Our first date.” Connor said and sat down on the blanket. Jude sat down next to him, resting his head on Connor’s shoulder.

“That was a perfect day.” Jude stated.

“It was.” Connor chuckled thinking back to that day.

“I was so nervous that you wouldn’t like it.”

“Really? I couldn’t tell… probably because I was busy thinking about not embarrassing myself.”

They sit in silence for a while, smiling from thinking about that day.

“Hey, sit in front of me, please?”

Jude faked an annoyed sigh. He knew how much Connor liked it when he sat between Connor’s legs with his back leaned towards Connor’s chest.

When Jude found his position, Connor put his nose deep into Jude’s hair and smelled it before kissing it.

Jude closed his eyes feeling at home in Connor’s arms. Here and now there were only the two of them.

“Thank you…” Connor whispered softly in Jude’s ear.

“For what?”

Connor didn’t reply immediately.

“For… for the best year of my life.”

Jude could hear that Connor’s voice wasn’t steady. Jude leaned back his head and kissed Connor on his cheek.

“Mine too…” Jude laughed slightly thinking about it.

“Mine too… by far.”

“Our first whole year together…” Connor said with that fond voice he sometimes got when he had transformed from the big muscular soccer prodigy he was into the small sensitive puppy that he also was sometimes. Connor was emotional and that made Jude tear up.

Jude turned his head around. With tears in his eyes he met Connor’s eyes which were also watery.

“I love… I love so much.” Jude sniffled. Neither one of them could explain exactly why the both of them were close to crying. Connor also sniffled, before speaking he kissed Jude tenderly.

“I love you too baby.”

“Fuck.” Connor slipped out when he couldn’t stop his tears, before Jude could correct him he filled in.

“Sorry.”

They stayed silent for a few minutes before Connor asked Jude.

“What was your favorite moment this year?”

“Besides every moment with you?”

“Besides that.” Connor said with a smile on his face.

Jude thought about it, he didn’t take long.

“My birthday party.”

Connor wasn’t surprised hearing that. Jude had told him many times how much it had meant to him.

“And moving in with Stef and Lena.” Jude said when he continued to think about the amazing year that 2016 had been for him.

“And when we…” Jude blushed, it was still awkward to talk about it sometimes. “You know…”

Connor snickered and hugged Jude even more tightly.

“I know.”

Jude took a breath. He wasn’t sure that Connor did know though.

“I never thought that I would… you know.”

Connor let Jude know he was listening by kissing the side of his head.

“I didn’t think anyone would ever want to… be with me… like that…” Jude trailed off. Connor waited a few moments before responding.

“Do you still believe that?”

Jude thought about it, Connor always wanted the honest answer. Jude smiled again.

“No… I don’t.”

“Good.”

“In fact I’m almost surprised you’re not poking my back right now.”

Connor laughed.

“I’m trying to be romantic, ok?”

Jude laughed. The sound was still Connor’s favorite one in the world.

“How about you, favorite moment?” Jude asked Connor.

“I have so many…”

“Pick… three.”

Connor took a moment.

“When you got home from the hospital…. When we… held hands in school, you know, came out. Your birthday party… When we… you know. And…”

“That’s already four Conn.”

“I know… but this last one is my favorite one. Well it’s really two.”

Jude snickered over Connor’s inability to limit his favorite moments.

Connor was silent a minute, he gathered himself and took a breath.

“My two favorite moments this year were when you… when you fell asleep while I had my hand on your stomach.”

Jude had forgot how much had happened this year but he hadn’t forgot everything Connor had done for him, making him more comfortable in his own skin. He had gone from not wanting Connor to see or touch his scars in any way to being able to be intimate with Connor without wearing a shirt.

“And my favorite moment was when… when you took off your shirt that first time before we went to sleep.” Connor pauses and sniffles.

“I… I was so proud of you and I got so happy…” Connor had to stop to keep from crying.

Jude closed his eyes. Sometimes. Sometimes he had trouble dealing with Connor Stevens. Sometimes Connor was just too much for him too handle. In the best kind of way.

“I… I didn’t know it meant so much to you.”

“You didn’t know I cared?” Connor didn’t really think that but he said it anyway.

“Of course I know it’s just… I’m still getting used to it. Sorry…”

Some of the scars Phil put on Jude doesn’t show on his skin. Those scars will probably not disappear the day that Jude will be corrected. However, Connor promised himself one thing, he is going to make sure that the scars will heal no matter how long it will take.

“You got the rest of your life to get used to it.”

Jude gulped. Connor sounded so sure. Thing was, Jude was as sure as Connor was.

“You think it’s like this for all… couples?” Jude asked Connor.

“What do you mean?”

“This… just… knowing, that… that it will be us. Because I know Connor… I know I want to be with you for the rest of my life.”

Connor tried not getting overly emotional. Usually it was only Connor that said cheesy things like that, but Connor sure loved hearing Jude talking like that too.

“Me too…”

Connor turned Jude’s head around so that he could reach his lips with his own. Jude made that soft moaning sound he sometimes did when their lips connected. Slowly and tenderly, they kissed, after a few moments Connor deepened the kiss by letting his tongue taste Jude’s. Before Connor would ruin the romantic moment by poking Jude’s back Connor broke the kiss.

Both of them smiled wide looking into each other’s eyes. Connor pecked Jude’s lips once again before whispering.

“Jude Stevens.”

Jude snickered.

“You are crazy.”

“You know it’s just a matter of time before we get married.” Connor said with affection, making Jude blush.

“Connor, we’re seventeen.”

Connor kept looking Jude in the eyes. With the way Connor was looking at him, Jude was nearly getting worried that Connor would do something insane like proposing to him. Luckily, Connor seemed to snap out of it as he shook his head to clear it.

“Yeah, yeah I know… sorry.”

Jude thanked Connor by leaning up and kissing him. Jude looked forward out over the ocean. He made a mental note that he would have to talk to Connor about it. Marriage was not something that Jude wanted before his demon was gone for good. Jude just hoped that Connor would understand.

From where they were sitting, they could see all the way to the hotels. From the commotion, they understood that midnight was drawing nearer. Jude turned back and said to Connor.

“Hey, should we exchange gifts?”

“Yeah oh, shit, nearly forgot.”

Jude shifted from his position sitting between Connor’s legs so they were sitting opposite each other, knees touching.

Connor reached for his backpack and took out Jude’s gift. It was a package of medium size leaving Connor no clue as to what it was.

Connor looked at the wrapped gift and with huge eyes and a big smile he looked at Jude.

“Can I open it now?”

Jude laughed at Connor looking like a kid on… well Christmas.

“Yeah go ahead, dork.”

While Connor unwrapped his gift, Jude felt unsure his gift was good enough.

“It’s not… don’t get too excited. You know I don’t have that much money…”

“Stop it. It’s from you, that’s all I care about.” Connor said.

“Oooh… it’s amazing. How did you… where did you get this?”

Connor held up the sweater inside the package. It was a knitted sweater in Connor’s soccer team’s colors. Connor laughed when he noticed it was a turtleneck sweater, remembering how Jude had wanted to see him in one.

“You like it?”

“I love it. Thanks babe.” Connor leaned over and gave Jude a long kiss on the lips.

Jude smiled feeling relieved that Connor genuinely seemed to like his gift.

“I… I made something… if you fold up the collar.”

Connor eagerly folded up the collar to the turtleneck. Jude blushed, he already felt stupid over it. When Connor saw the stitching he threw himself at Jude and pinned him down. In between planting kisses all over Jude’s face Connor said.

“You.”

Kiss.

“Are.”

Kiss.

“The.”

Kiss.

“Best.”

“Boyfriend.”

“Ever.”

Jude laughs and tries to defend himself. He figured Connor would like the cheesy move. When Connor finally let him up again he looked at his own stitching. It had come out better than he expected.

Connor read it again.

_“Property of Jude - Now and forever”_

Connor smiled, he really did love when Jude matched his level of cheesiness.

“Hey, I didn’t know you could stitch?”

“Let’s just once again acknowledge that youtube is amazing.”

Connor stole a few more kisses from Jude before Jude asked.

“Hey, where is my present?”

“Umm… it’s… it’s… hang on.” Connor reached for his phone, leaving Jude confused.

“So I… I hope this is… ok…” Connor said while holding his phone in his hand. He unlocked it and handed it to Jude after opening a photo album.

“I know that you… that you wanted to visit your parents this Christmas, since you couldn’t last year, and well… that you couldn’t… so… I hope it’s ok…” Connor drifted off seeing Jude’s eyes glued to his phone.

Jude could barely breath. The first picture was of a card. The next one of a beautiful flower arrangement and a small teddy bear, something Jude had told Connor he usually left at their grave each Christmas.

The next pictures were from the graveyard. Jude was looking at the flowers and teddy bear lying next to his parents grave when Connor spoke.

“So I… I had it delivered there on Christmas day. The company sent me those pictures...”

Jude’s bottom lip trembling as he swiped to the last picture which was a close up of the card. Jude read the text.

_“Merry Christmas Mom and Dad,_

_I had to go with my inconsiderate boyfriend and his family to St Barthelemy this Christmas but know that I’m always thinking of you and I have you with me in my heart. I’ll come and visit with Connor when we get back home._

_I love you._

_/Jude”_

“I hope it’s ok… I only wrote what I know is true...” Connor said carefully while looking at Jude who seemed to have stopped breathing.

Jude puts down the phone and hides his face behind his hands. He starts sobbing into them.

“Jude?”

Jude puts down his hands and looks at Connor, he has tears all over his face.

“Connor you can’t…” Jude sounded defeated. Connor gulped thinking that Jude didn’t like it. He had hesitated but he thought that Jude would appreciate it.

“Co-co-conn-“ Jude was outright crying. Before Connor could react Jude reached out for him and pulled himself into Connor’s embrace. Jude almost collapsed sitting down in Connor’s lap, still crying violently.

“Jude I’m sorr-“

Jude sat up in Connor’s lap and put a finger on Connor’s lips hushing him. With trembling lips Jude speaks.

“Conn…” Jude pauses and touched Connor’s cheek, making sure.

Jude makes a few more attempts at speaking but he can’t make the words come out.

“So, you like it? It was ok?” Connor asks carefully while drying Jude’s cheeks with his thumbs.

Jude whimpers as he nods.

Hazel looking deep into brown, Jude and Connor loses themselves as the outside world becomes but a distant memory.

Not even the fireworks lighting up the dark sky makes them leave the world of theirs. Realizing a new year is upon them makes them smile, when the fireworks stops Connor speaks.

“Happy new year Jude.”

Jude’s feeling too emotional to speak so he whispers while caressing Connor’s face.

“Happy new year Connor…”

<<<<<<< 

_January 1 st 2017_

“Hey son, where is Jude?”

“He’s coming, he had to do something first.”

Connor sat down by the pool with Mia and Adam. Last night and the following morning had been magical if you asked Connor. Best part was as usual seeing Jude happy, he wasn’t sure but he could almost swear he had noticed some kind of change in Jude after the clock had struck midnight.

Just before they were about to go to the pool Jude had acted a bit different, Connor couldn’t put his finger on it but when Jude told him to go ahead without him Connor didn’t question it.

“Hey sweetie. Had a good night?”

“Yeah we did…” Connor smiled unconsciously just thinking about it.

“We saw you from our balcony… just when you got home. It looked like you had a good night.”

The sight of Jude and Connor walking hand-in-hand with the biggest smiles on their faces back to the hotel around 2 am surely warmed the Stevens’s hearts.

“I hope Jude is having a good time, he deserves it so much.” Adam says.

Connor and Adam notices Mia furrowing her brow for a moment before starting to smile slightly looking over their shoulders. She says.

“I think Jude is better than ever…”

Adam and Connor turn their heads. Adam smiles and Connor’s heart nearly stops.

Jude is walking towards them wearing nothing but his shorts and a towel in his hands. Sure, he looks nervous but he manages to give them a smile. When Connor’s heart starts to beat again it does so furiously. Jude is wearing his binder but he doesn’t seem to mind that some people are looking at him. Jude’s scars have faded some more but the one going from his belly button to his right chest is still clearly visible. The new scar, from when Phil nearly killed Jude had of course left stitches but the doctors had done a good job making them discreet.

Mia forces down saliva, she hasn’t seen Jude’s scars before, she's only got them described to her. Her heart aches seeing the extent of it all. Even though she already knew it was bad it was still hard to witness it, knowing the pain Jude must have suffered through. Mia can’t help that she finds it a bit strange seeing Jude like this. Sure, the binder covers most of Jude’s chest but Mia is reminded that Jude wasn’t born with the anatomy of a boy.

“Hey…” Jude says before sitting down on the empty sun chair next to Connor.

“Hey Jude. We… we’re so proud of you.” Adam says.

Jude looks over at Connor and he can see in his boyfriend’s eyes that he’s just given him a memorable moment. Jude smiles at him.

Connor doesn’t have to tell Jude what he’s feeling. His smile and watery eyes says it all.

Jude looks at him.

“It was time.”

It was Connor’s turn to not find the words, so he just nods at Jude feeling prouder than ever before.

Jude looks at the pool. He looks back at Connor and he stands up. He offers Connor his hand.

“Let’s swim.”

After helping Connor up Jude looks at the three Stevens’s.

“Thank you… for everything.”

Jude turns back towards the pool. He walks before running the last steps, diving into the pool headfirst.

He’s already smiling before his body hits the water.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, hope you liked getting a glimpse from their life.
> 
> If you want to discuss Waterloo or whatever I'm awesomemarrcusuniverse at tumblr and @OstlingMarcus at Twitter.


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